Thursday, August 17, 2017

On Mornings

I am not a morning person. 

There- I said it. I love to stay up at night and sleep in in the mornings. 

It's the biggest luxury that I ever allow myself as a mom. There are some mornings here and there that I do not set an alarm -  I just sleep. 

My oldest gets herself dressed and creeps in my room around 7:30 and whispers, 

"Mommy, can I go get Maddux up?"

Sometimes I say "yes" and sometimes I look at the monitor and see that he's still asleep and say "no." 

If I tell her yes, she's off to get him up and she likes to boss him and tell him which clothes to wear. 

But if I tell her no, she sits on the chair by my bed for awhile and either plays with a toy she's brought into the room or she just sits. 

I wake up awhile later (usually by 8) and she's still sitting there, as still as a mouse, just waiting for me to wake up and start my day. 

I used to feel bad about this funny exchange. Me, sleeping and her, watching and waiting. But then I thought back to when I was a little girl and realized that some of my most safe childhood feelings involved watching my mom sleep. 

We'd get up early in the morning and of course pile into her bed. She had usually worked as a nurse late the night before and so she slept (unless, of course, we had to be somewhere.) We'd try to wake her up and she'd just mumble things and sleep on and off. She'd tell us that we were going to play the quiet game and we'd all lay there and see how quiet we could be. My happiest mornings as a young child happened then. 

I know sometimes I've felt like I'm not a very good mom because I don't always get up before all my kids. But I have this dear friend and mentor who isn't a morning person either. Bless her - she has alleviated a lot of my worries about who I was as a person. 

There is nothing supremely spiritual about rising early. 

I think sometimes I've liked to play the martyr when I've had to get up early. Sulking around and yawning all day like "this is just my cross to bear." That is ridiculous. I am an adult person and get to choose (relatively) how many hours of sleep I get every night. If I have to get up early (God forbid) I can choose to go to bed early the night before. If I do not have to get up early, I have the freedom to sleep in for as long as my children will allow. 

I'm done feeling guilty about not being a morning person. It truly is okay for it to be what it is.

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